Safety or Freedom - Releasing the bullshit that says we have to choose.
- Melissa Bullock
- Nov 6
- 4 min read
I recently spent a week in Joshua Tree.
That place is vast, magical, it’s hard to describe what it felt like being there.
Somewhere between reality and a dream.
The energies of safety and freedom were very alive for me the second I booked what I had initially planned to be a solo trip.
On the way there, I had several very stressful experiences. At the beginning of the drive, a hurried driver passed another driver in a dangerous section of the highway. My life and the lives of several others flashed before my eyes as they were seconds away from causing a huge accident.
Shortly after I spent about an hour in fog so dense I could only see a few feet in front of my car. It was a hilariously spot on metaphor for my life right now.
Just keep going and trust, but you’re not going to be able to see shit.
I followed another car with a semi-truck behind me. All of us with our lights and hazards on, barely moving.
I was deep in fear, trying to calm myself moment by moment, trying to come back to safety and trust.
It was interesting how much safer I felt following another car and even safer when the giant semi-truck started following me.
I was in a foggy car sandwich and I started breathing a little easier.
More unsettling moments continued throughout my drive with more layers of fear to say hello to.
It surprised me as I normally feel a ton of freedom when I travel.
By the time I got there, my nervous system was shot. It took me a long time to land.
Traveling solo as a woman brings up a lot.
The American culture really pumps bucket loads of fear into us.
Stay home, stay safe.
If you claim your freedom, if you travel and explore the world, you will probably be either raped or murdered.
Something horrible WILL happen to you.
I am regularly hearing responses from others with every single adventure I take.
You are going ALONE!?
You are so brave.
I am so jealous.
I could never do that.
My family would fall apart without me.
Wow.
Dead silence. (Insert look of horror and confusion)
I share all of this without judgement. If you want to stay home, stay home. If you want to travel, travel.
But get curious about what is actually true for you.
I ended up inviting my partner to join me for two days. He enjoyed some solo time before I arrived and I had some solo time after he left.
I hate to admit this, but I felt way safer in his presence.
As a woman traveling solo, some of the fear is so freaking valid. Horrible things do happen. Most of us have been abused in many ways. All of us have had traumatic experiences that affect how we show up in the world, especially in new environments.
All of it is valid AND our safety starts within.
We get to create and own our safety for ourselves first.
To love on the parts of ourselves that do not feel safe.
To validate and listen to all that these parts have to share.
To self-lead and create a safe sanctuary within.
We then get to choose safe people and spaces.
Not from lack, control, or disempowerment, but from our knowing that we are safe and have the ability to set boundaries, leave unsafe environments, and honor our internal compass.
There is a big difference in setting boundaries and expressing what we need to feel safe versus rigidly controlling others in an attempt to feel safe.
And holy moly there is a lot here and it’s complex.
During my trip, both in my solo time and in my time with my partner, I kept hitting different energies that all had the same root.
You have to choose.
You can be safe OR you can be free.
You cannot claim both safety and freedom.
I’m happy to report that’s utter bullshit.
And that deeply plays into the patriarchy programing that limits all of us.
Notice where in your life you feel you have to choose between your safety and your freedom.
Parenting, partnership, career, following our passions and purpose…this lie permeates so much of our lives.
Where do you feel small, numb, disempowered, trapped, or resentful?
Look there.
I’m never here to tell you what is right or what is wrong.
I am here to shine a light to help you honor what is true for you.
Not what you’ve been told is true, not what is true for others, not what should be true, but what is actually true for you deep in your bones.
Forever setting fire to all that is untrue,
Melissa
