Reclaiming

Learning to believe in yourself again.

When we step outside of societal norms and unpeel the conditioning that limits us, we are often told how things should be by those still living inside.

How we should show up, how we should do things differently or better, how we should live within terms defined by others.

There is a lot to explore here.

What came from our parents, their parents, our ancestors?

What came from the people in our lives, gender norms, or the larger collective?

What came from past versions of ourselves that we no longer are?

A huge part of reclaiming what is true for me is using my voice.

Speaking up about the abuse I experienced and ongoing damaging patterns in my family lines has been the most challenging.

Sharing has been a hugely important piece of my healing and empowerment journey.

Many people interpret the act speaking up through the lens of shame, blame, revenge, or victimhood.

We are taught to.

We are conditioned to stay silent and often try to correct the people who do not.

Stop rocking the damn boat.

Stop lifting the very lumpy rug.

Here are some of the responses I commonly hear when women share, along with an invitation to reframe them with greater compassion, curiosity, and truth.

These responses can be incredibly dehumanizing. They often dismiss or minimize lived experiences while protecting the very patterns that cause harm.

When we challenge these, we create more space for everyone to be seen, believed, supported, and for these oppressive cycles to finally end.

“She’s being negative.”

Naming harm creates the possibility for repair, protection, and change.

“She’s playing the victim.”

She may be reclaiming her voice and refusing to minimize what happened.

“She’s just seeking attention.”

She may be seeking truth, connection, accountability, or healing.

“If it was really that bad, someone would have known.”

Abuse frequently happens behind closed doors and is often hidden by manipulation, intimidation, or social appearances.

“Why didn’t she leave sooner?”

Abuse often involves fear, coercion, financial dependence, trauma bonding, concern for children, or hope that things will change.

“She’s being dramatic or exaggerating.”

Trauma affects memory, the nervous system, and the ability to speak. Many survivors actually minimize their experiences before they fully acknowledge them.

“She must be seeking revenge or trying to ruin someone’s life.”

Many survivors speak because silence often protects abuse, while truth has the potential to protect people. The goal is awareness, prevention, and healing, not punishment.

It’s truly not up to us to decide why, when, or how someone shares their experiences.

If what they’re sharing doesn’t resonate, you don’t have to argue with it, correct it, or attempt to make sense of it.

You can simply recognize that it isn’t for you and let it continue on to the people who are meant to hear it.

Every time we tell the truth about our lives - not to blame, but to honor what is real -we strengthen our relationship with ourselves.

We stop asking others for permission to trust what we know.

We reclaim.

Where in your life have you been taught to question your own reality?

What changes when, instead of defending your experience, you simply honor it?

Believing,

Melissa