No More Holding

A call to women to stop holding men's unexamined shadow in any capacity.

We’re being shown the worst of the shadow of men in so many ways right now.

Someone I follow on Substack, Sean Talbeaux, spoke to this beautifully and powerfully in his newest post THESE ARE NOT EXCEPTIONAL MEN.

Reading about an online rape academy that has millions of monthly viewers brought me to tears and flooded my body with rage.

These extreme expressions of the masculine shadow come from the same deeply damaging roots that are normalized in our society - objectification of women, engagement with porn, control, inequality, domination, violence, lack of integrity, self-awareness, and accountability…I could keep going.

Women, of course, have plenty to process that is ours.

The loudest aspect of shadow work for women that is directly tied to all that is unfolding with the shadow work of men is the patten of holding for others.

I’ve personally experienced this over and over again.

I’ve seen every single woman in my life do the same.

Women are taught, explicitly and energetically, to hold.

To hold space.

To hold emotions.

To hold relationships together.

To absorb what is not owned.

We hold so much of the pain, trauma, emotions, and responsibilities of men.

This causes emotional exhaustion, self-abandonment within relationships, suppression of our needs, resentment, confusion, feeling unmet, and major impacts on our bodies and nervous systems.

We also keep the people we are holding for from doing their inner work.

I am done.

We are done.

Women are not here to carry what men won’t face.

We need to own what is ours and hand back all that is not.

This is everyone’s work right now.

Every man.

Every woman.

Our shadow work is 100% our responsibility.

We all grew in this poisonous soil.

None of us chose this.

But we get to choose what happens next.