What story are you ready to own?

I DON'T LIKE BEING A MOTHER.

Damn that felt good to say.

I love my kids, but I rarely enjoy being a mother.

I don’t like my kids some days. Most days if I’m being fully honest with myself.

Kids can be assholes. I can also be an asshole.

It makes for a tough combo.

But I love my kids. I will always love my kids.

I struggle daily with being a mother.

Is this really what motherhood is supposed to be? Is it forced servitude with brief, fleeting moments of connection, appreciation, or joy?

Sometimes I truly feel like a slave.

A slave who should be grateful for her chains and is somehow supposed to find fulfillment.

I’m still working on how to unpeel all of this.

I’ve been trying since I became a mother 12 years ago. I have made so many shifts. I have done so much healing, both for myself and for my kids. But I am still pretty miserable most days with my kids.

Some of this comes from our families and our ancestors. Some is the poisonous collective soil we are rooted in where we are somehow expected to hold it all and smile while doing it.

Sprinkling on some adoptive trauma and narcissistic abuse also really spices it up.

I suspect that there must be many women who feel this way and we are just not talking about it because we feel like total assholes.

Vanessa Bennett speaks to this in her book The Motherhood Myth and I so deeply appreciated the honesty. It’s a really good book that calls out so much of what most of us are not talking about that desperately needs to be talked about.

I imagine my kids and I frolicking together every day, happily connecting with so much ease, laughter, and joy. That rarely happens. Constant arguments, almost non-existent kindness and gratitude, with them always demanding different, better, more, MORE!

I want to be more present with my children. I want to ENJOY them! Not in a perfect, rigid, completely unrealistic way but in a way where I honor these unique humans that I love deeply.

It breaks my heart every day that this is so unbelievably hard.

I see all that they will need to unpeel and re-parent in therapy and healing work, just like I have done, yet many of the patterns and cycles continue nonetheless.

Most days, here we are again. Not connecting, not truly savoring our time together, so many attempted resets, vowing that tomorrow will be the day where things shift.

I don’t like being a mom.

And I no longer want to feel this way.

I wrote all of this down in my journal last weekend. I really owned it. I knew I needed to write it down with no filters or judgement. It was painful, but I immediately felt a shift in my body in naming all of it.

The next day I taught my weekly yoga & meditation class.

I was pondering what the theme of the guided meditation would be. I had a few options, but none felt quite right.

I sat down on my mat as I set the energy of the space and prepared for everyone to arrive.

I thought about my experience the previous day. I was still pretty exhausted and in pain, but there is something so beautiful about teaching in that there is always an opportunity to turn your pain into medicine that will help others.

I heard so clearly, “what’s your story?”

The download was received and our meditation topic was now crystal clear.

As I began to guide others in meditation, I realized that “I don’t like being a mom” was my story. I knew I was meant to speak to this in a group of women, mostly mothers.

I shared vulnerably. I was honest and fully owned my story.

I asked those present to tune into what story they felt stuck in and wanted to release.

We then looked at what we wanted our new story to be as we worked the energy and watched the old one slowly crumble.

When doing this, it’s important not to swing too far on the pendulum.

If my current story is I don’t like being a mom and I swing to I love being a mom, my body will immediately call bullshit.

What’s a new story that feels much more true and loving, but also allows expansion, opening, and flow in your body?

For me, it was my time with my children is filled with ease, connection, and joy.

I could receive that. I could allow space for that. My body didn’t resist.

As I named it, I saw my old story start to lose its power.

But I had to unapologetically own it first.

Popcorn you, your turn now.

What story do you feel stuck in?

Can you own it?

Write it down, say it outload, scream it into the ethers if you need to, or share it with someone you trust who can hold space for you without judgement. Validate your feelings and experiences. Do whatever you need to do to allow yourself to be exactly as you are and name what is currently true for you.

When you are ready, and this might take some time, what new story do you want to replace it with?

How does this upgraded story feel in your body?

Feel free to comment on this post or send a message to me. I’d love to hear your story if you’re inspired to share.

Thank you for letting me share my story and in doing so, create a beautiful new one.

MY TIME WITH MY CHILDREN IS FILLED WITH EASE, CONNECTION, AND JOY!

(It is, damn it!)

Love you my friends,

Melissa

PS - My son Gabriel and I have a really tough relationship. We are massive teachers for each other. I make him take a picture every single time we walk past this. He love/hates it.