What Is Being Asked of Me Today?

My writing this week is asking for a pause from diving into the depths of this world.

Every Tuesday morning at 6am PST, I meet in a wonderful virtual community to write.

I don’t always know what wants to come through, but I show up to be a creative vessel.

This week there is stillness, less noise, not something clear demanding to be birthed.

The pause feels needed.

These past few weeks have been really hard.

I’ve been using my voice as I’m called to, with a new level of vulnerability and depth.

Doing so brings up a lot to process.

My writing resonates with some and really pisses off others.

I’ve learned that it is all medicine.

To not hold either the compliments or complaints tightly.

Whether you inspired or triggered, I know my words are meant to be shared.

Sometimes it is very painful.

Sometimes our truths set fire to everything around us.

All that burns as we stand in our integrity is meant to.

This past weekend I applied for a couple full-time positions with local non-profits.

A couple options are significantly less than what I made at the bank and I would have much less space for my business.

The positions are also deeply in alignment with my values and it feels right.

I would be of service in a bigger way.

I would be making a bigger impact in our local community.

Sitting with the likelihood of diving back into full-time employment, continuing to support my business as it grows, and going back to school to get my bachelor’s and then master’s in social work.

I’ll be starting at the local community college next Monday after a 13-year break.

It feels like a lot.

It feels scary.

But I know I will make it work.

So today I am taking a deep breath as I write.

I feel myself landing more in my body and heart.

I see my life being shaken like a snow globe.

My work, my home, so much of my life in transition.

Nothing fully settled, nothing fully clear.

And what is most present is trust.

I trust the shaking.

All will land as it’s meant to.

This weekend my 13-year-old son was back home with me after living with my parents on the weekends for a couple months.

My relationship with my son is incredibly difficult.

I barely survived the weekend.

We are both each other’s biggest teachers.

We are both healing a ton of ancestral and collective trauma within our bodies.

We are constantly invited into unhealthy patterns, deeply rooted gender and family dynamics that we are both here to end.

We are trying to find a way back to each other through it all.

For us both to feel safe, respected, valued, and loved.

That topic is a post for another time as the words that want to be written are very tender and not yet clear.

Today what is asked of me is my presence.

To simply be here with all of this.

For myself first, and from that place of inner presence, for my kids, my partner, my community, and all that is wanting to come through me.

And that is beautiful.

That is enough.

What is being asked of you today?

Inviting the knowing to come from within you, rather than the expectations or answers of others.

I am here.

Melissa