I opened up my journal today and glanced at my most recent entry from last week.
“I have been discovering so many ways that I am not loving and nourishing myself. Even when creating what is deeply in alignment for me, I am often doing so with a very unsustainable energy or at a frantic pace. Learning to love myself deeply, to show up in all spaces in ways that nourish and align with all of my being.”
Filled with gratitude, I wrote “look at you loving yourself so well and finding new ways to nourish yourself.”
Seeing what I wrote less than one week ago and the steps I’ve already taken by setting an intention was so beautiful and powerful to see.
I’m sitting at the beach on a chilly, overcast morning as I write this. I’m listening to the waves as I dig my feet more deeply into the sand. It feels like I have the whole beach to myself. This moment feels perfect.
I’m currently on vacation from my career as a commercial underwriter at a bank. I took two weeks off work to get some much needed reprieve from an industry I have now been in for 20 years. Over the past few years, it has become increasingly clear that the values of the organization I work for are not in alignment with my values. Being in the environment has become very challenging, especially on my body. I took this time away to nourish myself, to create all that has been asking to flow through me, and to allow space for new doors to open.
The energy of the corporate world has been sticky, hard to separate from. I’ve realized a lot of my current health struggles have to do with this deep programming to do-do-do, don’t stop, don’t rest, get shit done, check it off the list, and then do some more. It’s palpable in our society. It’s in the air we breathe.
We often do whatever we need to do to meet the needs of our employer, others, the world - often at the expense of our bodies, our beings, our knowing. It can be painful and jarring to see, to step out of the rat race and do things differently. BE different.
We notice how others nourish themselves in ways we deny ourselves. I wish I could do that, we say. What’s stopping us?
Choosing to come to the beach for a few hours, write in my journal, read my book, and dive into the water brought me to tears. It was so simple, but so profound.
Why don’t we follow the whispers of our intuition more?
We easily get caught in tunnel vision, stuck in the sameness of each day. We are often not present, rushing through our precious, sacred lives.
What has helped me so much is inviting new experiences into my life. Stepping back, pausing, and getting curious when I feel like I am running at warp speed in a hamster wheel or simply not being present. Listening to my heart, my knowing, when it says do this instead.
Here are a couple ah-ha’s I had this week:
I cruise at a pretty extreme level of autopilot as I drive. Once I learn how to get from A to B, I will drive the same exact route for years even if there is a much better way to get there. I never question it and rarely take the scenic route.
I’ve been mixing it up and trying different paths to get to the places I go often and making it a priority to go to new places - hikes, beaches, classes, events, restaurants.
It has been wonderful!
I continue to notice some resistance from the grumpy, fearful part of me that clings to routine and sameness. For most of my life same equaled safe, so there’s still some layers to unpack here.
On another note, I attempted my third mango peeling and cutting experience this week.
It needs work.
Have you ever cut a mango? They are unbelievably slippery! My partner is a mango master and makes it look so easy. Each time I try, I end up shoving a mushy, partially peeled mango into my mouth. There is thankfully no video recording, but I assure you it is not a pretty sight.
It is messy, imperfect, but freaking delicious.
A poignant summary of my past week and spiritual journey so far.
I’m learning to be more present in my life, to be open to new experiences, to love the shit out of myself without conditions.
I’m learning the way of the mango.
How can you invite more new into your life? Can you zoom out and do things differently? Is there a door you are ready to close to allow space for others to open?
Honored to walk with you on this journey.
Learning, growing, and eating mangos.
Love,
Melissa