I did an intuitive reading trade with my friend the other day. As we caught each other up on our lives, she told me about a circumstance in her life that involved a slow-moving landslide.
In her case, it was an actual landslide.
Everyone is safe from the landslide, but we had to chuckle about what an amazing metaphor it is to what it’s like to be guided on our paths.
You can fight against a landslide. You can do your very best to try to control it. You can resist the wisdom of mother earth, creation, the higher forces that guide our lives.
What is being asked of us, however, is surrender, allowing, trust, letting ourselves be moved by life itself.
My life lately has felt a lot like a landslide.
Today is the 5-year anniversary of my biological mother’s passing.
I am deep in the feels and also so clear that it’s time to start writing again after taking a break for over a month.
The experience of losing my mother unexpectedly ripped me open in a way only grief can. I could no longer tolerate many aspects of my life. Shortly after her passing I left an unhealthy marriage and made other big changes in my life. I invested in trainings and experiences that set my soul on fire. I let my heart lead the way. I finally gave myself permission to live the life I am meant to live, rather than the life I realized I was living for others. I let myself be me, more and more each day.
A sexual trauma that I had experienced when I was nine years old, had never been shared with anyone, and I’d buried deep within finally came to the surface to be healed. My body, heart, mind, and soul needed many layers of healing and I honored that.
Invalidation, perfectionism, unconsciously healing the crap out of everyone and everything, people pleasing, playing small, giving my power away to others, inequality, discernment – it has been a journey!
There has been so much pain and grief to look at and sit with, but the experiences have been expansive rather than the constriction of living within the boxes of our collective.
With each layer that is shed, there is more clarity, liberation, and empowerment.
I continue to fiercely surrender to my path, to let all of the parts of me and my life that are no longer true and aligned fall away.
I let the landslide guide me.
Today, as I write this, I am moving through a lot of layers.
My partner says that if he could collect money every time I say layers he’d be rich.
It’s true that he would be.
It's also true that there are a lot of layers to peel while navigating the complexity of all things human.
So many layers! Layers. (That’s for you, love.)
I’m currently sitting with the pain of adoption, disconnection, and loss. I am grieving family, friends, and community. I am noticing a lot of fear and resistance in stepping into new spaces and connections – protective reactions rooted deeply in past hurts.
I am letting go of previous versions of myself and letting how I express myself in the world evolve.
I chopped my hair off in a very bold way and damn does it feel liberating.
It’s also interesting to notice all the conditioning, programming, and external expectations I continue to move through to claim the freedom to express myself as I feel called to.
I’m unpacking what belonging means to me.
I’m savoring the nourishment of being with my soul tribe and the contrast of what it feels like to be in spaces where I do not feel seen, valued, or loved.
I’m in the in-between.
I’m not fully in the cocoon stage anymore, but I’m not yet flying freely either.
What a sacred, often painful, gift it is to be fully alive.
To be awake in a world that often asks us to stay asleep.
There is a fragility in this time of year with unlimited opportunities for healing and growth.
Can we give ourselves space, grace, and love?
Space, grace, and love without conditions.
Honoring the sacred landslides and layers of our lives,
Melissa