The Inner Container

Hey friends,

It’s been a while since I shared on Substack. I’m noticing that these past couple months I am really resisting doing anything regularly. I’m learning a very new balance of ease, flow, creation, discipline, and devotion.

I will be sharing weekly what is coming through for me. I love writing. I have always loved writing. I write almost every day, but I rarely share it. No more of that nonsense.

This week what is flowing through me is tending to our inner containers and finding a balance of expression and sacred containment.

I see containment as the rocks that surround a powerful fire. The rocks do not suppress or control the flow, they give it structure, support, and protection.

The way I balance these energies within is evolving. I often see it as my masculine (container) and feminine (expression) energies.

The majority of my life I thought something was wrong with me because I felt and experienced everything so deeply. I became ultra-contained, fully on lock down. The container was rigid, suppressive, and controlling. There was no space for expression. I did not play. I hid my joy. I numbed myself in many ways, doing anything I could not to feel. Being fully me felt very unsafe and in many ways, life showed me it was.

It took so much inner work to start to allow the fullness of my self-expression. Learning to finally feel everything without conditions has truly changed my life. My inner container now needs to evolve to meet this new freedom of expression. I had previously been really resisting that and, in many ways, neglecting my inner masculine and the support he was trying to offer me.

We are constantly shown unhealthy versions of both expression and containment. For me, it was the control, manipulation, and micromanagement I experienced in the banking industry and in my unhealthy marriage. In my family, emotions were often invalidated and seen as weakness. The containers were rigid, analytical, and very disconnected from anything happening in the body. It was really tough to find healthy examples to redefine what a balanced inner container looks and feels like.

The past several months, I really started noticing how I would look outside of me for someone or something to help me be in the fullness of my expression. Sometimes my emotions are so powerful that I’d lose myself and I’d look to another to hold me and make me feel safe in my storm. It was through my previous partnership and some major masculine healing that I realized my inner container has been asking for a very necessary upgrade.

Self-regulation and co-regulation are both important and needed. It all comes down to balance. We often need to see what this looks like and feels like in others before we are capable of providing it for ourselves. I am working on developing my beautifully balanced inner container that supports the fullness of my self-expression. Without suppression, without projection, and being aware of what I am seeking externally.

How is your inner container?

Do you allow yourself to feel and express in your fullness?

Does the container you have within feel supportive, leaky, wobbly, or too rigid?

What does the balance that is right for you look and feel like?

We often need to swing to both sides of the pendulum to find our balance. Sitting with this topic in meditation or writing it out in your journal can be super helpful.

May you be fully and freely you with the sacred inner container to support all your wonderfulness!

Melissa