Boundaries Are an Act of Becoming

When I think about how I learned about boundaries, most of it came from my family and the many expectations of what it meant to be “good.”

Boundaries weren’t about honoring myself; they were about containment.

Containing my feelings, my experiences, and my truth.

The focus was rarely, what do I need?

But rather, how does everyone else feel? What is expected of me? How am I impacting others?

Instead of expanding into myself, I was contracting.

I was constantly making myself smaller.

I was also absorbing the emotions, expectations, limits, and energies of everyone around me because I wasn’t inhabiting my own space.

So many of my choices and experiences reflected that.

Much of it wasn’t authentic expression, but rather an attempt to belong.

I exerted so much effort trying to meet the expectations of all I had inherited without ever questioning what was actually mine.

As I’ve gotten older, boundaries have become about coming home to myself.

They’ve become questions.

What do I feel? What do I want? What is true for me?

Every day is another opportunity to fully own my own space.

To nourish myself with practices that bring me back to center.

To continue returning borrowed energy to its rightful owner.

For many years, I worked at the bank with incredibly rigid perfectionism.

I felt like I had to prove myself.

Work harder. Stay longer. Do more than everyone else.

My worth often felt tied to my productivity.

Then I had a manager who completely disrupted that story.

He worked differently than everyone else. His schedule was flexible. He got his work done in the way that worked best for him.

At first, it honestly drove me crazy.

One day I came in late and started explaining why.

He looked at me and basically said, “I don’t give a shit. You always get your work done. Do what you need to do however you need to do it.”

Something shifted inside me.

He wasn’t measuring my commitment by the hours I sat in a chair.

He trusted and respected me.

The spaciousness felt uncomfortable at first.

Then it felt incredible.

The way I worked started to change.

I stopped organizing my days around what was defined as productive by others and instead around my energy and what I actually needed.

Around the rhythms that allowed me to do my best work AND honor my wellness.

Not everyone liked it.

Living on your own terms tends to make people uncomfortable when they’re still living on someone else’s.

But every time I honored what was true for me, I was practicing another boundary.

I was becoming a little more myself.

Who are your boundaries really for?

For me, my boundaries are first and foremost for me, for my purpose, and for the work I am here to do.

For protecting my energy that allows me to keep showing up.

They’re also for my children.

They’re for my daughter, who deserves to grow up knowing that women are worthy of deep respect, safety, and equality. Not someday, but now.

They’re for my son, who deserves to know that emotional expression isn’t weakness and suppression is not strength.

They’re for challenging the conditioning that tells us that there is one right way to be.

One right path. One right definition of success. One size fits all.

Who am I to decide what another soul is here to become?

My boundaries are for my partner, my clients, my teachers, all of my relationships.

They help me stay rooted in my energy so I can invite others to do the same.

They remind me to honor my no, yes, maybe, or not today.

My whatever the fuck I want to do because this is my life.

My boundaries are also for this beautiful world we share.

For the earth, animals, and communities whose voices are dismissed.

For protecting what is sacred.

Boundaries aren’t simply walls.

They’re expressions of what we value enough to protect.

If you were to create your boundaries from your deepest truth today - not from fear, obligation, or conditioning - what would they look like?

Who are you teaching about boundaries?

What were you were taught have you chosen to keep?

And what parts are you courageously rewriting?

I don’t think boundaries are something we master.

They grow as we grow. They change as we heal. They deepen as we remember who we are.

Every time we honor what is true for us, we become a little more ourselves.

Boundaries are an act of becoming.